HOW TO SUPPORT YOUR CHILD IF THEY ARE PUTTING PRESSURE ON THEMSELVES

You’ve probably felt it: the tension in the car ride home, the clenched jaw before a comp, the quiet disappointment if it didn’t go as planned.

Pressure is a constant in competitive climbing. Some of it comes from outside – expectations from coaches, teammates, rankings. But much of it comes from within. Young climbers often place immense pressure on themselves to perform, improve, and live up to perceived standards.

As a parent, it can be painful to watch. You want to help, but you’re not always sure how. Should you reassure? Push? Stay quiet?

Understanding Where the Pressure Comes From

Not all pressure is bad. A certain level of challenge can enhance focus, drive, and motivation – this is what the Yerkes-Dodson Law describes: performance improves with arousal up to a point, after which it declines.

But when pressure tips into anxiety or self-doubt, it can hurt both performance and well-being.

Research shows:

• High levels of perfectionism in youth athletes are linked to greater emotional distress and burnout (Hill et al., 2018).

• Self-imposed pressure is often driven by a belief that self-worth is contingent on success (Sagar & Lavallee, 2010).

• Parental over-involvement – even when well-meaning – can amplify a child’s stress levels, especially when praise is conditional or performance-focused (Knight, Harwood & Gould, 2017).

What Can You Do?

Here are four grounded, psychologically-informed ways to support your child when pressure runs high:

1. Normalize the Experience of Pressure

“I get nervous before big meetings too.”

Pressure is part of performing. When you validate that it’s normal to feel stress, you help your child stop seeing it as a personal flaw.

Ask questions like:

• “What does the pressure feel like in your body?”

• “What part of this matters most to you?”

This encourages emotional awareness and invites a more reflective mindset.

2. Support Autonomy, Not Control

Instead of saying: “You need to try harder.”, try “What do you want to get out of this comp?”

According to Self-Determination Theory (Deci & Ryan, 2000), motivation and well-being improve when children feel a sense of control over their actions. Letting your child make decisions – even small ones – helps them feel ownership and reduces the pressure to meet external expectations.

3. Focus on Process, Not Outcome

After a hard round, avoid saying: “It’s okay, you’ll do better next time.” Instead, try: “What did you learn from today?” or “What felt different this time?” This kind of reflection supports a growth mindset (Dweck, 2006) and reduces the fear of failure by shifting attention to controllable factors.

4. Be a Regulated Presence

Your child co-regulates with you. If you’re anxious, frustrated, or overly focused on results, they feel it – even if you don’t say a word. Emotions are contagious. Before offering advice, check in with yourself.

Are you calm? Supportive? Centered?

Sometimes the most powerful support you can give is simply being present, listening, and reminding them they are more than their performance.

When in Doubt, Ask

Not every child needs the same kind of support. Some thrive on pep talks. Others need silence or space. Some want to talk immediately. Some want to talk the next day. Others just want a snack.

Try asking:

• “How can I support you right now?”

• “Do you want help problem-solving or just to vent?”

Let them guide the conversation. That, too, builds autonomy.

Your child’s mindset matters more than any score or placement. When you model curiosity, self-regulation, and trust, you help them develop inner tools that last far beyond the wall.

And if the pressure starts to feel like too much – for them or for you – you’re not alone.

Want to Learn More? Join the Climbing Parents Circle!

At Climbing Psychology, we support parents who want to better understand and nurture their child’s mindset in climbing. If you’re curious about how to approach this with more confidence and clarity, join our Climbing Parents Circle — or if you’d prefer to talk more personally, schedule a free 30-minute call with us to explore 1:1 coaching options for yourself or your child.