WHEN CLIMBING BEGINS TO UNDERMINE CONFIDENCE – WHAT EVERY PARENT SHOULD KNOW
Climbing is supposed to build our kids up, right?
To help them grow in confidence, learn to face challenges, and push beyond what they thought possible.
But what if it starts doing the opposite? What if climbing – despite all its potential – becomes a source of pressure, fear, or even shame?
In our work with youth climbers and their families, we’ve seen it happen. And it rarely starts with something dramatic. Often, it’s subtle mindset shifts that, left unaddressed, begin to chip away at a young athlete’s confidence and enjoyment.
As a parent, you want to support your child – not just physically and logistically, but mentally. These three red flags can help you recognize when something deeper might be going on.
1. They Start Avoiding Challenges
They used to get excited about trying hard problems. Now they say, "I don’t feel like it today" or deliberately choose easier routes. They might shrug off a competition or seem strangely unaffected by a poor performance.
What’s happening?
This could be a protective strategy. Research in sport psychology shows that young athletes who fear failure often avoid challenges altogether – especially when they believe mistakes will reflect poorly on their worth (Conroy, Elliot & Hofer, 2003). Instead of risking failure, they play it safe. This is especially common in kids with a strong "ego orientation" – where success means being better than others, not just improving themselves (Nicholls, 1984).
What you can do:
Normalize failure as part of growth.
Highlight the courage it takes to try, not just to succeed.
Praise risk-taking and persistence over outcome.
2. Emotional Overload After Every Loss
Your child finishes a route or boulder and immediately breaks into tears. Or maybe they shut down, snap at others, or spiral into negative self-talk. You’ve seen these reactions before — to some extent, they’re normal, especially if your child hasn’t yet found a good strategy to regulate their emotions, feels overwhelmed by the situation, or lacks another outlet. But lately, the reactions seem to be getting more intense.
Extreme emotional responses to failure can be a red flag that performance is tied too closely to self-worth. In other words: when they don’t climb well, they don’t feel well (Covington & Beery, 1976). This kind of emotional flooding is especially common in perfectionistic or highly competitive environments (Tamminen, Holt & Crocker, 2012).
What you can do:
Stay regulated yourself as a parent. Co-regulation starts with your own calm.
Reflect back what you see: “You’re disappointed because it mattered to you.”
When the moment is right, ask reflective questions: “What part felt hardest?” or “What would you like to try differently next time?”
3. Their Inner Voice Turns Harsh
Pay close attention to how your child talks about themselves after a slip, not figuring out the right beta in time, struggling with a coordinative boulder, repeatedly falling off, or even not getting off the ground in a boulder… Do they say things like:
“I suck.”
“I’ll never be good at this.”
“Why do I even try?”
This kind of self-talk isn’t just negative – it’s destructive. It signals that their internal narrative might be dominated by shame or hopelessness. Over time, it can lead to burnout, anxiety, and disengagement from the sport (Gustafsson et al., 2008).
Kids who are self-critical aren’t being dramatic – they’re showing you what they’ve come to believe about themselves. Often, these beliefs are formed through a combination of internal sensitivity and external messages, even if unintentional.
What you can do:
Mirror their words gently: “It sounds like you’re being really hard on yourself.”
Encourage self-compassion: “What would you say to a teammate who felt that way?”
Help them see failure as information, not identity.
You Can’t Catch Every Fall, But You Can Shape the Story
As a parent, you can’t prevent every disappointment. But you can help shape how your child interprets those moments – whether as proof they’re not good enough, or as steps on a longer learning journey. Mindset matters. And you play a bigger role in shaping it than you might think.
Ask yourself:
When your child avoids challenges, how do you usually respond?
Do you tend to react emotionally when they’re upset – or stay steady?
What kind of self-talk and beliefs do you model around your own mistakes?
Want to Learn More? Join the Climbing Parents Circle!
At Climbing Psychology, we support parents who want to better understand and nurture their child’s mindset in climbing. If you’re curious about how to approach this with more confidence and clarity, join our Climbing Parents Circle — or if you’d prefer to talk more personally, schedule a free 30-minute call with us to explore 1:1 coaching options for yourself or your child.
Your words matter. Let’s use them to build a mindset that climbs beyond grades, competitions, or podiums.