WHAT YOU PRAISE SHAPES HOW THEY THINK: WHY EFFORT MATTERS MORE THAN OUTCOME
You’ve seen it before: your child finishes a boulder they’ve struggled with for weeks. You’re beaming with pride and say, “You’re amazing! That was incredible!”
And yes, it was incredible.
But what if there’s a more powerful way to respond – one that doesn’t just celebrate success, but actually shapes how your child sees themselves as a climber?
When it comes to supporting young climbers, the kind of praise we give matters. A lot. Decades of psychological research suggest that praising effort – not talent or outcome – can make the difference between kids who crumble under pressure and those who persevere through it.
The Power of Praise: What the Research Tells Us
Psychologist Carol Dweck’s work on Mindset Theory (2006) offers a foundational insight: when children are praised for being “talented” or “naturally good,” they’re more likely to develop a fixed mindset – the belief that abilities are static. In contrast, when children are praised for effort, strategy, and persistence, they’re more likely to develop a growth mindset – the belief that abilities can be developed through practice and learning.
Why does this matter for climbing?
Because climbing is a sport of constant failure, trial, error, and incremental progress. The ability to cope with setbacks, learn from mistakes, and keep trying is not just helpful – it’s essential.
In a now-famous study, Dweck and her colleagues found that children praised for being smart were less likely to take on new challenges and more likely to give up when things got hard. Children praised for effort, however, showed more persistence and performed better over time.
Sagar and Lavallee (2010), writing in the context of youth sport, found similar patterns: young athletes who received praise for controllable factors like effort or attitude were more likely to show intrinsic motivation and emotional resilience.
What This Looks Like in Climbing
Examples for fixed mindset praise:
“You’re so talented!”
“You always win.”
“You’re the best on your team.”
Growth mindset praise:
“I saw how hard you worked on that crux – your persistence really paid off.”
“You kept trying even after falling three times. That’s what real progress looks like.”
“The way you changed your beta after that fall was really smart.”
Notice the shift? One reinforces identity (“you are”), the other reinforces process (“you did”). And this difference matters – especially when your child isn’t succeeding. If they’re only praised when they win, they may come to fear failure. But if they’re praised for learning, trying, and adapting, they’re more likely to embrace challenges rather than avoid them.
What If They’re Struggling?
When your child comes home discouraged after a competition that didn’t go as planned, the temptation might be to reassure them with praise that shifts focus away from the loss — “Don’t worry, you’re still the best,” or “That comp didn’t mean anything.” You might also try to ignore their hard feelings, brushing them aside and acting as if everything is normal. Or, you might say nothing at all because you're unsure how to deal with this “failure” and the difficult emotions it brings up — both for them and for yourself. We’ve seen all of these reactions. And honestly, we believe they come from a good place — because you want to do it well but maybe don’t know how to cope with it.
Research shows that even in disappointment, frustration or sadness, children benefit from effort-focused feedback. Examples for effort-focused feedback may be:
“It’s okay to feel upset. I saw how much you cared – and how much effort you put into each round.”
“What do you think you learned from this experience?”
“What’s something you’d like to try differently next time?”
This kind of response not only validates their emotions, but also fosters self-reflection and long-term motivation.
Parenting as Mental Coaching
You don’t need a psychology degree to be a powerful influence on your child’s mindset. Every car ride home, every moment of shared joy or frustration, every word of encouragement – you’re shaping how they think about success, failure, and themselves. By praising effort, you’re not just helping your child become a better climber. You’re helping them become a more resilient, curious, and self-aware human being.
How do you usually respond when your child succeeds – or fails – in climbing?
What messages are you (perhaps unintentionally) sending about talent vs. effort?
How can you model a growth mindset in the way you talk about your own challenges?
Want to Learn More? Join the Climbing Parents Circle!
At Climbing Psychology, we support parents who want to better understand and nurture their child’s mindset in climbing. If you’re curious about how to approach this with more confidence and clarity, join our Climbing Parents Circle — or if you’d prefer to talk more personally, schedule a free 30-minute call with us to explore 1:1 coaching options for yourself or your child.
Your words matter. Let’s use them to build a mindset that climbs beyond grades, competitions, or podiums.